~Nothin of the Ordinary~

Friday, December 31, 2004

Last night was the most difficult for me, the last night of the year,,the last night that I would permit myself to look at the faded colors of the once beautifully painted scenery; once so full of life, vivid hues dancing to the tune of light. Something that I know was long gone but I made myself believe that it can be restored,,,,, back to what it once was: A magnififcent obra.

I wanted to relive everything, to desperately repaint this dear lifeless canvas that was left to rot at one corner of his attic. I've tried several times to put it out; getting my box of colors and do some touch ups here and there but as I'm doin this, I wonder why it continues to fade. The ocean is losing its vibrant sparkle, the sky seemingly dark and cloudy, the waters that had been home to a fisherman is now becoming an unexplored territory. Like a motion picture, I watched as the once familiar calm lullaby of waves became a stranger, roughly tossing him from side to side and he is finally swallowed up by the vast emptiness of the sea. Emerging from darkness, he frantically gulps for air. He musters all courage and strength to swim back on shore. It's a long flight but he continues trying......

The fisherman has yet to reach land but I know that the canvas must go. The magnificence of my painting cannot stand the test of time. I painfully took my last glimpse of it, knowing that the memory of it so full of life will forever linger in my consciousness. Now just a lifeless form, I took hold of it, the withered sides tearing my palm, ,scarring my heart. Up it went to the attic, I wrapped it carefully and laid it underneath the core of all my emotions. Buried.

Here I am. Alone and terrified amid gigantic waves of loneliness..

lost in thought at 9:35 PM